A Rwandan Wedding!

 

 

 

While we have been here (nearly three months can you believe it?!) we have been invited to 3 weddings. Possibly for the novelty factor of having a ‘mizungu’ (white person/stranger) there but we have got to know many people here and everyone is invited to weddings here! This weekend was Bosco and Clementine’s who we have got to know quite well. I worked with Bosco in maternity for a few weeks when I first came here and then again when doing some teaching at the university, plus Matt plays football with him and I also sing with Clementine in the choir.

Rwanadan weddings are typically over two days with a dowry giving on a Friday and the Church ceremony and in reception on the Saturday.

The Dowry giving:

Before this there is a brief civil ceremony of just the couple and close family and friends, then the dowry giving takes place which involves gifts from the groom’s family to the bride’s. Traditionally the focal point of this would have been a cow (and I believe in some areas it still is), however, more modern couples will hire a man who represents the cow herder who must sing and dance and announce the type of cow chosen (in this case it was a Jersey – good choice). This is a very prestigious and important job.  Once gifts are given and the ‘cow’ has been presented then there is food for everyone.

Linda and the kids!

We were invited to this as well as the church ceremony, unfortunately Matt couldn’t escape from the ED but I went along with Linda (Tim the surgeon’s wife). We didn’t really know what to expect and boy were we in for a surprise!! So after sitting in Clementine’s family house for an hour and a half, entertaining children with cameras and phones we then went to the reception hall (a local school) where the actual ceremony would take place. After generally just milling about for a while greeting people we were ushered inside and taken to the back room (library) and given our costumes to wear. ‘Sorry what? Costumes?’ was our response….’you are helping yes?’ ‘ummmm….not that we’ve been told’ ‘you are not informed? It is ok? You can wear this and help serve?’ ‘ummmmm…ok?’ So we are helped into matching blue and pink outfits (see pictures) and I hastily send a few texts to Matt alerting him to the situation developing and that I would (possibly) be home for dinner!   

Clementine

 

Once dressed we are then taken to the front where we greet the guests while the ‘master of ceremonies’ is talking on the mic and the photographer and videographer snap away. Linda and I greet the groom and his family and point the way up to the raised platform at the front of the hall then we take our places and watch Clementine make her entrance with her family – she wears a silver top and blue sari like wrap and looks very beautiful. There is the gift giving and acceptance and official approval of the marriage. The bride and groom then hold up a glass for each other to drink out of (in this case an interesting mix of orange Fanta and Coke) and sit to watch the performance of their ‘cow’ which goes down very well.



Bosco and his best men

 After this Linda and I are ushered behind a table, covers of which are pulled off, lids are lifted and the food appears. And what a buffet table it is! Doughnuts, rice, chips, fried potato halves, spaghetti and bananas with a vegetable dish and a fish dish (the whole fish including heads and tails). The bride and groom serve each other and then we are put to work serving the rest of the hundreds of guests!! Now you may be thinking we had been taken advantage of but this was a privileged position to be as we served alongside Clementine’s best friends and sister in laws. It was a very surreal but unique and enjoyable experience and it was good to have been able to help out Bosco and Clementine on their special day. Linda and I left after the last potato had been dished out and went back to our homes relieved that we could just relax and enjoy the ceremony tomorrow without too much involvement. I am in the hospital choir which was singing in the ceremony but this was not going to be too taxing and we weren’t meeting until 11am so I was looking forward to a lie in….

Saturday 8am…phone call: ‘Hi Marie!’ – Its Edie the German nurse who has worked between here and Germany  for many years and who inspired me to start to sing in the choir here – ‘I have just spoken to Genevieve (another choir member) and apparently you and Linda are meant to be at Clementine’s at 9am?’ ‘What?’ ‘You don’t know about this?’   


Edie and I

Apparently everyone else barring me and Linda knew that we were supposed to be at Clementine’s but having not been told ourselves we didn’t feel too bad about staying at home and waiting until the official ceremony time. Edie came over to ours early with her new husband Dieudonne who she met here on previous trips, they got married 3 months ago and he works in Kigali. She helped me into the traditional dress – an ‘inshanana’ and we prepared to go to the church -  then a crash of thunder heralded a torrential rainstorm. Now here in Rwanda, life stops when there is rain. If you have a meeting or ceremony – even a wedding ceremony – you know that if it is raining heavily (and it never just drizzles here) that no one will show up until the rain stops. So we sat down with tea and biscuits until the rain stopped 2 hours later and a signalling of many car horns announced the service was on!

The ceremony was much like an English one but the bride and groom enter and walk down the aisle together followed by their family members. It was odd because they had arrived before many of the guests so at first the church seemed quite empty but it soon filled up. Clementine had on a dress that Linda had brought over from the USA – they love big white wedding dresses here, I showed her a picture of mine and she said it was not big enough could I not spend more on a bigger dress?!! She looked lovely in hers though – a very dashing couple and very happy. Instead of a kiss at the end, there is a dramatic folding up of the veil followed by big smiles and a hug. The blessing at the end was very touching too – they had about 5 pastors standing around them – including men from their friends, family, church and hospital pastors – a mixture of tribes and one Rwandan expressed to us that they were very moved to see it after the events of 1994 – that there has been such a reconciliation that they can all pray and bless each other now – it made us feel truly in the presence of God as surely such a nationwide transformation and forgiveness can only come from him.

After the ceremony there is the usual photo taking and the wedding party came into our compound for this as it is a very picturesque place – Matt and I escaped at this point for cup of tea (how very British)! Then came the reception and what a great experience this was too – all the guests were seated around a raised platform at one side of the hall, we were sat at the very front. There were two master of ceremonies this time and they managed to fill the time all the way until the new married couple walked in on a red carpet and cut a ribbon leading to the platform. After this they were presented with some non-alcoholic sparkling wine – which was opened a la Formula One victory celebrations – I narrowly avoided an early shower! Then some speeches – no best men but a representative from each family making toasts and declarations of thanks and tributes to each other. After this came a traditional dance performance which was very good and we got the impression from some of the people around us that they had made it a bit more modern – it seemed the jury was still out on whether this was a good thing or not but to us it looked great. The cake was then cut – or cakes (see pictures) – the cake stand is a feature in the majority of weddings here - a lot of things are rented or lent as many people cannot afford to buy new things.

Then came the gift giving –  the guests line up to present the couple with gifts – matt went up with the football team and I went up with the hospital staff to give a card and small amount of money. A lot of the gifts were big glitzy wrapped boxes, a lot were envelopes but there was also a good amount of food produce including a massive branch of bananas and they even got presented with a live chicken! This was ‘very rural’ according to Dieudonne and not something generally seen in Kigali or the bigger cities. We thought it was great!

The final part to the reception was the food – again a big buffet, 4 different tables this time for all the guests and thankfully I was not serving! The bride and groom then did a dance and there was even a throwing of the bouquet, however no cheesy DJ or dancing till late! It was a really lovely day and a great experience and I am looking forward to the next one in December...may brush up on my waitressing skills just in case!